My Absence explained

You may well be wondering what has happened to me over the last month. My last entry as you can see was just after halloween and just before stepping out to the WI bonfire. Now I did mention Marjorie Pritchard's Runner Bean Pickle but of course at that point I did not know the full details, events had not unfolded. Well now I can tell you dear reader that it was in fact poisonous. Yes Marjorie poisoned us with her pickle. Most of us survived having not imbibed too much of it, unfortunately old Colonel Jackson on the plot adjacent to Marjorie's, a nice corner site with a couple of old apple trees, was too polite to spit it out and the botulism took him. I was taken poorly at the bonfire, fainted dangerously close to the embers and singed the fringe of my poncho so much so that I had to trim it all off. But that was not the worst. I had the trots for a week and have been gradually rebuilding my strength with dollops of cod liver oil and malt ever since. I only managed to get out briefly yesterday to check on my sprouts, which have been enjoying this harsh cold.

As I was stooped, checking my netting, I heard a strange muttering and saw Marjorie Pritchard measuring out old Colonel's Jackson's Plot using her wellie's as a guide. On my way out I called over to her, 'cooee I shouted the plot will be going to someone new I suppose, whoever is at the top of the list eh?' And do you know she scowled at me and said that the official rules of the UK Allotment Association was first dibs to the tenants either side and with Edna's hip replacement she wasn't in the running. I don't know where Marjorie has allotmented before but somewhere that sounds very undemocratic. She waved her fork at me and I didn't have the strength to reply so I left it there.

We are all very worried about what she (MP) may bring to the Christmas Bazaar, but no-one dare ask.