A brief interlude

Just logging in to say that I will be going away for a spell - My cousin, Ivy Cuthbertson, has invited me to stay with her in Kuala Lumpur to help her prepare for her expedition up - Sungai Lebir - in a canoe - I must arrange for Marjorie Pritchard to water my Aquadulce Claudia while I am away - So Ta-ta for now - and I will be back with news of Ivy and her botanical research .

Allotment Soc AGM stormed by special branch!

The meeting got off to a good start with a unanimous decision about Colonel Jackson's memorial bench, a tasteful oak to be placed on the communal grassed area by the shop. Then mayhem. The meeting was stormed by special branch! They had come for Dorothy. We were all flabbergasted.

It turns out that her knowledge of the streets and the world of crime was not second hand through Irvine Welsh but in fact was all down to her experience as a master drug smuggler! The police have had her under surveillance for quite some time. Apparently she had planned to clear the section around her plot, getting rid of Colonel Jackson, Edna, Marjorie and the Smithsons in order to enlarge her own space four fold. She had thought to grow poppies there and had already started to set up a lab in her potting shed. In the past we have had problems with people trying to grow commercially. There was a young man who aroused suspicion by growing more shallots than anyone alone could possibly eat but Dorothy takes the biscuit. Of course now we need a new chair for the committee. According to the police Dorothy will be banged up for some considerable time.

You can't argue with forensics.

It seems that Dorothy has 'washed her hands of Marjorie Pritchard' and I thought they were such good friends. Dorothy is convinced of Marjorie's guilt and wants to ban her from the allotment society. Dorothy says you can't argue with forensics.

Marjorie is innocent, I think...

Poor Marjorie Pritchard has just spent the night in a police cell! - Now in the past I have had my suspicions about that lady. But I firmly believe that she it is simply that she has an unfortunate, brusque manner and actually is really not that bad. However the evidence does seem stacked against her. She has motive, both Edna and Colonel Jackson bordered onto her plot and apparently a trace of cyanide was detected on the bobble of her aaron wool hat.

I do think the allotment committee should lobby on her behalf, provide her with a character reference - I do not think she is the kind of person to poison her neighbour's - I will go and talk to Dorothy - ask her to add it as an agenda item.

I have just had a strange visit from Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I think she was implying that my macaroons had something to do with poor Edna's fate. That in short I had poisoned her. I told her that they had been tested in the police laboratory and the offices told me they were delicious and in fact the inspector asked me for the recipe. Dorothy said she would be keeping an eye on me. I did not think it wise to mention that I had given Edna some of the marzipan fruits. I will keep that to myself for now.

The hat mystery resolved

One good thing for the new year at last. Marjorie has her hat back. I emailed her the information I had received from Edna and had an almost instant response to say that actually it had been in the back of her potting shed all along - oh dear poor old Edna must have been confused, well she had had a hip replacement.

Still no news about the poisoning incident, these things take time I suppose.

Murderous Marzipan

I am in shock - Edna has died - poisoned - cyanide - of course I have given up my macaroons for testing in the laboratory - if I had known Edna was going to suffer from cyanide poisoning I would have made her something without almonds - And of course now Edna has died I am the only person who knows about the marzipan fruits, none of them remained to be tested - I can't understand how they could have been poisoned they were from Dorothy and she takes such pride in her baking.

I am beginning to think that Edna's poisoning and Colonel Jackson's Botulism, like my slip on the ice, were no accident and are possibly all related -

This week has been a terrible start to the year and with Nigel Pargetter falling from the roof too I am afraid of what the coming year may bring.

Marzipan mystery

I took Edna some of the Almond macaroons yesterday, she had mentioned to me at the Christmas bazar that she was fond of marzipan, so I thought she would like these and I knew her hips would be playing her up in this bitter cold - she would obviously need cheering up and what better than a plate of macaroons! -

But as I approached the path leading to her bungalow I saw Dorothy Fitzpatrick trying to squash a package into her letter box - Naturally I went up to Dorothy and wished her a happy new year but she jumped a mile and the box went flying and out of it spun a rainbow of marzipan fruits. Well, I said, why on earth were you trying to shove them through the letterbox? Why not just ring the bell? - Edna is in, look her light is on in the front room. I started to help pick up the little fruit shapes but Dorothy seemed very put out - I thought they could be dusted off and I was sure some had remained in the box unscathed but Dorothy declared they were all ruined and swept them all back in the box and stormed off. She is very fastidious. I did then however spy a couple nestled against the pot of the hydrangea and had them in my hand by the time Edna opened her door. Over tea I told Edna the fruits were a gift from Dorothy and refused one for myself - I am not a fan of marzipan. Edna had a nibble of one and saved the other for her supper.

Edna had a sighting of Marjorie Prtitchard's hat to report though which was useful and I will email MP about it later, although she maybe has it back by now because Edna saw Dorothy wearing it.

I do hope Dorothy is ok and that she hasn't been pushing herself too much, what with her quilts for Mongolia appeal, her work with Afghan poppies and the work she does on the streets as she calls them. I do sometimes fear she takes on too much.

Happy New Year!

The hat is still missing - Marjorie seems quite genuinely distressed so maybe it is lost after all. Dorothy Fitzpatrick has added it as an agenda item to the first agm of the allotment society in 2011, along with an item about how Colonel Jackson's plot will be re-allocated and the installation of some fitting memorial to the poor old gentleman, possibly a bench.

Almond Macaroons

I always feel a little flat in this post Christmas period. Of course there is the build up to new year - and the constant round of lunches and afternoon tea events. I have just baked some Almond Macaroons - always a favourite at this time of year - they are much lighter than a mince pie or christmas cake. Here is the recipe if you would like to try them:

200g ground almonds
100g flaked almonds
100g caster sugar
200g crystalized ginger - chopped
2 egg whites
tablespoon icing sugar
teaspoon ground cinammon

Mix together the ground almonds, egg whites, caster sugar and ginger, pat the mixture into small balls, roll these in the flaked almonds to coat. Place them on a baking sheet and place in the centre of an oven at 200 for 20 - 25 minutes - when they are cool dust with the icing sugar and cinammon.

I had a strange email from Marjorie Pritchard yesterday - announcing that she had lost her hat - an aaron bobble - knitted it herself - and would like to see it's safe return. Well I didn't know what to say to her- I'd last seen it on my assailant down at the plot! Could she just be covering her tracks? It also seems that the inquest for poor Colonel Jackson was inconclusive, it seems the runner bean pickle was not the source of the botulism but the poor man must have been slipped something else by person(s) unknown.

Discharged at last!

I am back and so glad to be free from ward 9b. I am just cramming in this post between my Christmas chores, as you can imagine I am horribly behind on my preparations having wasted five days following an 'accident' on the ice and a case of concussion. I say 'accident' as I have my doubts about the accidental nature of my slip.

In my last post my shed door had been sabotaged and I was about to take my suspicions to the allotment committee when I suffered a nasty slip. I had been keeping my suspect (MP) under surveillance and had noted that as well as measuring up Colonel Jackson's old plot she had also moved her boundary flag stones on the other side of her patch after the Smithsons had dug up their potatoes and leveled the bed. I detailed all of this in a note along with an observation of Marjorie Pritchard reading up on the care of fruit trees in the local library. I had spied her whilst renewing a copy of Henrietta Madden Foxes fantastic novel Prideful Prudence. I didn't think she had seen me but I did see Dorothy Fitzpatrick and did warn her that her 'friend' was in my opinion a suspicious character. Anyway I had intended slipping my note to the committee in the allotment shop letterbox, after shielding my sprouts as best I could from the snow storm that was raging. I had my head down, watching my footing on the path, when something swooped out of the snow and across several plots with a rolling gait and a familiar aaron knit bobble hat. My feet flew from under me and the next thing I knew I was flat on my back and and my head was spinning. Out of the white flurry a figure loomed and Edna pulled me to my feet. Whoozy and wobbly I searched round for my note and any signs of my assailant but the snow had covered all evidence with an icy blanket and the note was gone.

Now, leaving all this nastiness aside, I am about to make some mince pies for the Christmas Carol concert at St Cuthbert's Home for the Elderly and Infirm - a captive audience - the least we can do is provide them with sweet treats having unleashed Cynthia Smithson-Watts to bray Silent Night etc at them for at least half an hour. So if you would like to try this at home (without Cynthia) then here is my Mince Pie recipe -

Best quality mincemeat
Four tablespoons of plain flour
1 ounce of butter
1 large tablespoon of peanut butter
2 tablespoons of soft brown sugar
icing sugar - a sprinkle
4 tablespoons of cold water

By tablespoons I mean heaped as much as you can!
In a glass bowl chop up the butter into small pieces, add the flour, add the sugar, add the peanut butter and using your fingers rub the mixture together until it is crumbly then add the cold water slowly and pat the mixture together to form a ball - Place this on a plate in the fridge for a while - then preheat the oven to about 180 - 200 - flour a surface and roll out the pastry ball - you can use jar lids to cut out the round shapes if you do not have proper pastry cutters - and construct your mince pies in greased tins by placing on the pastry bottom a dollop of mincemeat and a lid squeezing the edges of the lid and bottom together to seal.
Place them in the middle of the oven for twenty minutes.

When they are cool shake a sieve of icing sugar over the mince pies to dust in a christmassy fashion!

An imprint

I have still been feeling rather faint and poorly, hence my silence of late, but I did feel in need of fresh air and commune with my plants yesterday so, despite the frost, I ventured forth to my plot. It was foggy and with still a freezing aspect to the air. I was heading to my shed, at the back of my currants, my gaze cast downwards so I didn't slip, when my eye spied a sight that stopped me in my tracks. A wellie print perfectly preserved in the frozen mud just outside my door. I stopped hand on the latch. My mittened fingers paused I considered what this sign might mean. Instinctively I flipped the latch pulled the door towards me but stepped back and do you know a collection of logs spilled from the top of the door in a pile at my feet, if I had ordinarily stepped into my shed I would have received a severe blow to the head.
Well now really I have no alternative but to report this to the committee. And I have to say that I know that wellie print all too well, Woolworths circa 1995, size UK ladies 9, Marjorie Pritchard!

My Absence explained

You may well be wondering what has happened to me over the last month. My last entry as you can see was just after halloween and just before stepping out to the WI bonfire. Now I did mention Marjorie Pritchard's Runner Bean Pickle but of course at that point I did not know the full details, events had not unfolded. Well now I can tell you dear reader that it was in fact poisonous. Yes Marjorie poisoned us with her pickle. Most of us survived having not imbibed too much of it, unfortunately old Colonel Jackson on the plot adjacent to Marjorie's, a nice corner site with a couple of old apple trees, was too polite to spit it out and the botulism took him. I was taken poorly at the bonfire, fainted dangerously close to the embers and singed the fringe of my poncho so much so that I had to trim it all off. But that was not the worst. I had the trots for a week and have been gradually rebuilding my strength with dollops of cod liver oil and malt ever since. I only managed to get out briefly yesterday to check on my sprouts, which have been enjoying this harsh cold.

As I was stooped, checking my netting, I heard a strange muttering and saw Marjorie Pritchard measuring out old Colonel's Jackson's Plot using her wellie's as a guide. On my way out I called over to her, 'cooee I shouted the plot will be going to someone new I suppose, whoever is at the top of the list eh?' And do you know she scowled at me and said that the official rules of the UK Allotment Association was first dibs to the tenants either side and with Edna's hip replacement she wasn't in the running. I don't know where Marjorie has allotmented before but somewhere that sounds very undemocratic. She waved her fork at me and I didn't have the strength to reply so I left it there.

We are all very worried about what she (MP) may bring to the Christmas Bazaar, but no-one dare ask.

Redcurrant shrub

On sunday night it was the Allotment society Halloween event. What a magnificent display of pumpkins. Dorothy surpassed herself this year for size and colour.  Marjorie Pritchard was there, you know heavily built, low centre of gravity, always has a slight whiff of soil, iron. Anyway she was taking all the credit for the Red Currant shrub - which she had actually made to my recipe - as follows:

N.B. These are green UNRIPE currants - you need red ripe ones - hence the name - Red Currants

Red Currant Shrub
(makes) 1 litre
300ml strained red currant juice
600ml of good brandy
finely grated zest of a lemon
1 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1 stick of cinnamon
300g brown sugar


To make the redcurrant juice wash the berries - having removed all stalky bits - put them into your preserving pan and with water - allow 200ml of water for every 0.5kg of currants - (I do sometimes mix my currants, black and red) - Now when the berries are squishy - (at least half an hour) - You need to strain them through a jelly bag overnight.

Next day measure the juice so you get the proportions correct. Then mix the brandy the juice and the spices all together in a wide necked jar and leave it for at least a week in a cool dark place. Now it will have developed a gel - but don't worry this dissolves when we do the next bit which is to heat it in a pan with the sugar. Then we strain it and decant into sterilised bottles, seal and leave for several months.

Well I bear no grudges. Several people commented to me that my chutney was a far tastier condiment to accompany the roast ham than Marjorie's Runner Bean Pickle. You will have to wait for those recipes as times winged chariot is drawing near and I must dash to the WI bonfire on the heath with potatoes already in their foil jackets.

I'm back. After my initial fumblings with this blog so many years ago - I was ahead of my time really - I am back to finish what I started and thank you for the kind offer of viagra but I was hoping for some more constructive comments about my struggles with this technology - Drugs I can assure you are never the answer.

Now spurred on by my friend Phoebe Jones with the launch of her romantic fiction forum ---- I hope to become a modest scribe of the digital age dishing up sound advice and entertainment in equal measure to the citizen's of the web.

So here goes. Now, as you can see from my photographs one topic of this volume will be my beloved allotment. I will share with you tips passed down through the ages from generation to generation. I spent many a happy hour with my Grandmother in her garden, of course for her gardening was a necessity and any flowers were functional. Alas this explains also her attitude to any unfortunate wildlife found wondering through her petunias - I have an early memory of her spade cleaving a dear little mole almost in half and it hanging, flapping from the branches of her lilac. It's blood pooling in the grass underneath. A deterrent to others.

Anyway - I digress - what I want to say in this the first episode of I hope many posts - is what a great year I have had - as well as my beautiful foxgloves I had a bumper crop of Raspberries and so I thought a recipe for - Raspberry Jam was in order here - (Lucy Metcalf after the Allotment society bring and buy sale said to Jennifer Wilson, in my hearing, that it was too sweet but she is a very sour woman so I will ignore her) -

1kg of raspberries
500g sugar with pectin
juice of 1 lemon (for extra pectin)

The first issue is to wash or not wash the raspberries - I personally do not want the risk of cats ** or bird ** in my jam - however one also doesn't want too much water to dilute the fruit. So I wash but then spread out my dear little berries on kitchen towel in a sunny window to dry out. When dry I tip them into my jam pan (I inherited my grandmother's but I'm sure you can buy them in any good department store) - then you smash them to bits with a spoon (wooden I think is best). Now dissolve in the sugar while you bring the mixture to the boil - tip in the lemon juice and keep the jam at a rolling boil - it will smell heavenly - Meanwhile pop a saucer in your freezer or freezer compartment of your fridge to get nice and cold. After about 5 minutes take the cold saucer out and drop a teaspoon of the jam onto it and put it back in the fridge for a minute. If when you poke it the jam crinkles it is ready - if it is still completely runny keep boiling - you can always pop in more lemon juice if it is having difficulty setting - red currants are another good source of pectin and can also be added to help jam set. - Personally I am a fan of runny jam with rice pudding or vanilla ice cream.

Here is an image I inserted - of a poppy from my allotment. I was just taking this shot when Dorothy and Marjorie appeared - I was poised with finger on the shutter when stubby fingers entered the shot and Marjorie shouts ' these are weeds and are not allowed by the allotment society.' It was only Dorothy's lightening reflexes that saved this bloom. She jabbed Marjorie's hand away with the tip of her brolly and explained to her the societies rules on decorative foliage. Marjorie snorted in response and strode off, leaving dents in the grass from her wellie's muttering about her previous societies rules.
There is something very suspicious about that lady.

To blog or not to blog

I'm trying to work out if having a blog is a good thing. Dorothy Fitzpatrick at the WI told me that she gets 10 hits a week on hers, on which she posts her advice to young people on a range of topics from; household maintenance, domestic management, to sexual health, drug abuse and alcohol. Apparently she knows all about the latter having been a huge fan of Irvine Welsh for years. So I thought I'd have  a go. Now I did say I would 'link' to Dorothy but I will have to learn how to do that first!

I  will ask her when next I see her, although not if her new chum Marjorie Pritchard is about.